September 1, 2026- A little extra love

One rarely falls in love without being as much attracted to what is interestingly wrong with someone as what is objectively healthy.

~Alain de Botton

Imagine trying to connect with someone who has no flaws, no trauma, no weaknesses, no insecurities, no struggles, and no worries. Imagine how inferior you might feel. Imagine how difficult it would be for that other person to truly empathize with your own challenges when they have none.

Lucky for us, that person does not exist. Every human being knows hardship, on some level. It is important for us to acknowledge that, both in ourselves and others. If we try to pretend that the people we love are without fault, it puts them in a position to try to hide their flaws from us. They may try to live up to that selective image we’ve created for them. If we can’t love others unconditionally, how do we expect them to be able to show up authentically?

It is not uncommon in a music rehearsal for a director to suggest that a musician give a few measures “a little extra love“ before the next rehearsal. This is not to suggest the musician is inept. It doesn’t mean they didn’t perform admirably and should never attempt music-making again. It just means that the performance was flawed, and a little extra attention on those flaws would serve as a benefit. This is a little extra love. Can we give a little extra love to all the flaws we encounter, whether within ourselves or the people we love?